The Girl in the Big Mango

After my beloved the Alcoholic disappeared from my life, I have started rebuilding my self-confidence and my life. Slowly.

I am more friendly, nicer to co-workers and bosses, and all that. My mood swing is better.

And then, he gets back in touch.

Seeing that cheeky face with that familiar cheeky smile with no signs of remorse on Skype was a pretty dumb idea, as it resulted in me getting angry (again), upset (again), sad (again), and then me getting drunk (good excuse actually) and taking three tables of sleeping pill and antidepressant.

And then, I realised I hadn’t had dinner.

Shit.

So, I passed out pretty much right away and got sick a few hours later. And a few hours later.
Well, at least, I eventually woke up today.

Well, actually, it was two quick trips.

Two weeks ago, Mum and I went to Chantaburi to check out some business opportunity. I will have to write that one up very soon. Got a few pics too.

Last weekend, I went down to Pattaya with two friends. I had planned to go there because Lee Shamrock - a friend of mine - was going to play there on last Sunday. But shit happened first and he wasn’t playing anymore.

The hell to it! I was still going. I needed a quick break.

That. And AH was coming over to see me too.

AH and I were together for a while. We split last year. For some unknown reasons, AH is one of the two bastards I can never forget. The other is called CJ. Lord knows why. I once had lost contact with CJ for at least a year. When we met up again, it was just like we had never been apart.

Strange thing is that, AH and CJ look quite alike. I hadn’t seen CJ for a long time when I first met AH at a party. I couldn’t quite take my eyes off AH that night. Oh, the good old days.

It was very nice to see AH again.

Well, ok, there is still some shit here and there. But at least, it’s my own shit.

Just a few weeks ago, I went out with a few friends. I ended up drinking with one of them until 6AM. Just by the end of the evening (or was it the morning?), some tosser pissed me off. So, we decided to go home.

That was a nice change. I mean, usually, if I was up until 6AM, it was because the Alcoholic wouldn’t go to sleep and was having a pop at me. It was usually drama, headache, argument, tears and all that. But that Friday night, it was great fun. I had a great time with my mate.

And that makes me feel life is just getting better after such an ordeal.

This time of year again.

It’s Songkran - Thai New Year.

I usually stay home in Bangkok, as it is a crazy season nationwide. This year, actually, I would love to visit a neighbouring country, but decided against it as travelling during Songkran is very dangerous.

Asoke intersection is rather quiet over Songkran.

So, I stayed in Bangkok as usual. On the big day, Apr 13th, I went to have a late breakfast with my friends in Sukhumvit soi 8. And we ended up staying there the whole afternoon.

Det 5 bar was our base.

Our team was getting ready for the water fight.

Oh, a dry man was running away. But no worries, the team next door got him.

There was some odd moments when our warriors attacked each other. We were on the same team, people!

Our team was reloading.

It was great fun. We all got soaking wet. Happy Songkran!!!

I don’t even know where to begin. Things have been mad. Really mad.

I haven’t updated this blog so often because mad things kept me very busy. Well, either busy, or depressed.

When I first met this guy, everything seemed to be all right. We were mad about each other. Not too long into dating, I started seeing a sign or two. He sure could drink like a fish. But most of the time back then, he didn’t drink that much. Until one night, he went out to a party and didn’t come home until the next night. While he was in touch during his session, he was too pissed to hold a proper conversation. When in front of other blokes, he would be nasty to me. When out of their earshot, he would be nice to me. He wouldn’t let me know where he was until the next night. About 9pm, I think, he finally told me he was coming home. I waited for a bit, but having a hunch, I rang him again. I finally found out which bar he was in. I went to take him home. And it turned out he was running low on the cash, so that was when I came in. I lied and told him I didn’t have money, so he drank until his last Baht.

Dragging him home was not fun. Then, he was hungry and wanted to have a burger. Ok, then, had a burger. Now I paid for it. Oh, and during the day, while he was pissed out of his head somewhere, I did his laundry, made sure he would have clean clothes for his trip to Malaysia the next day.

I still didn’t realise his issues were bigger than they seemed. I thought that session was bad, but then, it wouldn’t happen again - because I was a relatively nice person, he should care for me.

It did. Many times.

He made it to Malaysia as planned, and was waiting for me in Phuket when he got back in Thailand. I missed him and wanted to see him, so I changed my flight one day earlier. The night before my flight, he confessed he had slept with a Filipina while he was in Malaysia.

Two big red flags so far, but I still wasn’t running.

Our relationship was changing for the worse, but we didn’t know what was wrong. Something was wrong on his side, but he didn’t know what it was. So, it was pretty tricky to fix the situation when no-one knew what was wrong. Things went downhill afterwards. We tried go on a long trip together, but things were not improving. He always drank too much. One certain night, he was getting really aggressive. He lost it completely, and was about to hit a guy for no reason. He couldn’t even stand without help. That was a long night, as he wouldn’t go to sleep. I carried him back to the hotel, and he started having a go at me. He said all hurtful things to me and started hitting the door.

When I was growing up, my father was a loud, angry, abusive drunk. So, I’m terrified of drunk men.

Because of all the stress and argument, I was screwed - mentally. I couldn’t keep up with my work, and I finally got myself in trouble at work.

His drinking wasn’t too bad then, but the nature of our relationship was. Ok, maybe his drinking was pretty bad, but I thought we could fix it. Or I could fix it.

How many red flags so far, I’ve lost count?

Then, he had to go back home for a while to get his paperwork done. He would be back and start a new job soon.

While he was back home, we were in touch daily. Simply because I insisted. Then, one night, under no uncertain terms, he told me we wouldn’t get back together in that way.

But since he had only me he could count on here, we spent a lot of time together when he came back. Things at his work were not going so well, and they caused him mega stress. I was there to listen to him, and to cheer him up. I did all I could. But things were not improving.

Having a job was good, as then, he couldn’t go out drinking during the week. Then, a Friday came. He would go out drinking, and couldn’t stop. So, we usually went out on a Friday night, he got pissed and drank all night, he was sobering up on Saturday evening/night, and Sunday was for depression.

That was how we spent almost every weekend.

One of my best friends kept telling me to move out. But I thought I could help him keep an eye on his drinking when I was around. So, I stayed.

One Friday night, he went out with another bloke from his workplace. I was losing it myself, after so many horrible weekends. I asked my Mum to come over and keep me company. He didn’t call me until 5am. And that was only because the taxi driver didn’t know where the apartment was. He told me he got beaten up. When he came home, my Mum advised me how to treat his nose and black eye as she used to be a nurse. He didn’t stay up long, and went to bed easier than usual. If my Mum hadn’t been there, it would have been another mad 3 hours of argument. I think this was the night he spent about 14,000 Baht.

Mum had been a nurse for so long. Once she saw what state he was in, she realised he needed help from a professional. He does have deeper issues that I can’t write about. But they are there and he needs to sort them out.

Mum kept me company till morning. And she left just before he woke up. So, that’s another session and I still wasn’t running.

Not long after, he decided to give up his job. Now jobless, it was harder for him to stay sober. He was being a good boy for a few days. Then, one evening, we usually met up after I was done at work for dinner. I rang twice, he didn’t answer. I rang again and his phone was off.

I don’t know why I thought of a certain bar, so I went down there. And funny enough, he was drinking there with another bloke. He told me his battery was flat. I may appear to be so fucking stupid for still staying with him, but I am not THAT stupid. I didn’t check his phone, when he handed it to me. I could have called his bluff, but decided against it.

That night was a bit eventful, but it was kind of under control. At least, he came home.

A few nights later, a Saturday night, he went out to meet another bloke again. This time he didn’t come home - again. I called, but he never answered. Until Sunday afternoon, he texted me that he was safe and that he was still with that bloke - it turned out to be another lie. Sunday 4pm, he told me he was having a meal and would come home afterwards.

He didn’t.

I had to take sleeping pill so it knocked me out and I went to work on Monday morning. I had to keep my job.

I got to talk to him before going to work. He said he would come home soon.

He didn’t.

And his phone was off around midday. I couldn’t take it any longer, I moved out that evening. It was upsetting. But Mum couldn’t just sit and watch anymore. I was losing it.

Mum gave me some anti-depressant and I took my sleeping pill. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. And they knocked me out.

Tuesday came, and I went to work as usual. He rang me at about 10:30am, crying and saying sorry to me. And of course, I ran back to him, bringing food and grocery in. After all, I was the only one he could count on, right? No, I was the only one who was so stupid and blind by my love for him.

He told me he wanted me to come back - but not everyday. Our relationship/friendship had been strange for quite a while now. Ok, being a Scorpio, I am pretty extreme. It’s pretty much all or nothing to me. But never mind, fine, we would work something out.

A few days later, he rang one of my mates and they went out to a function together. He didn’t want me to be at his place that night. So, after some argument through my mate, I went home, took my sleeping pill, and slept.

The next day, you guess it, I ran back to him again. It was a weekend now.

Friday was ok. Saturday was ok. Until we started drinking at home.

We shared a bottle of wine on Saturday evening, but he drank more beer after. When we ran out of beer, he told me he would go out to get some more and promised to come back. Well, he did come back - with beers, and whiskey. Uh oh, it’s usually whiskey that set him off. So, I asked him not to drink the whole lot in one night. He said OK.

And he did drink it all in one night.

Other things happened. He got pissed off. And other stuff that I am too embarrassed to write about. Let’s just say, there was/is another woman involved.

Things went horribly wrong. Not getting any sleep didn’t help either. Until he insulted me to the max and I couldn’t take it any longer, I lost it and slapped him as hard as I could.

I had never slapped anyone in my life. Seeing how violent my father could be, I never wanted to be violent. But I had been provoked for at least 8 hours straight that night. I should have run away when the sun came up. But being a weak girl that I am, I didn’t. So, I had to pay for it by losing control totally.

Obviously, we had to totally split up now. So he packed his bags and headed to the airport, telling me he was going to Bali. Well, he had planned to go to meet a friend in Bali in two weeks anyway, so might as well go a week earlier.

It turned out to be another lie. He didn’t go to Bali. In fact, he is still in Thailand. I think I know where he is. Oh, I mean, where they are.

An ex-alcoholic rang me when he was screaming at me after the slap, he said “Get out of there. Quick! Dont talk to him. Just tell him you need to go buy cigarettes or something.”

Well, I didn’t have to go anywhere. He was leaving. Before he left, he told me he wasn’t running to any girl, he only needed to get away for a bit.

Yeah, right. And I’m a virgin.

My head is totally done in. I am fucked. I thought I could help him, and I tried. But I failed miserably. A couple of people suggest I attend Al-Anon meeting. I had been reluctant. But after the split, I knew I really needed help to deal with it all. I blamed myself for the things that happened. I hated myself for slapping him. But I can assure you now, that his behaviour was way out of line, and I doubt anyone could handle such insults for so long.

A few friends of mine who have been supporting me emotionally are great. They are great people. They are patient with me. It is good for me to have decent people looking at the situation from the outside and comment on it. I’m not blaming everything on him. I played my part. He played his. And here we are.

I have been to Al-Anon meeting only once. And they are supportive. I will stick with them for a while as I want to give it a try and see if it works for me. I’ve lost self confidence, self respect and sanity. I should have run a long time ago. I didn’t, so now I’m trying to pick myself up and move on.

Being with an alcoholic is not easy at all. You think you want to help them. But at the end of the day, it’s only them who can help themselves. There is only so much you can do. I’ve learnt this a hard way.

I thought I was a nice person so he would control his drinking as I wanted him to.

Wrong.

They don’t stop drinking to please you.

If someone close to you shows signs of being an alcoholic and you are losing your mind over their drinking, contact Al-Anon. Don’t wait so long as I did. Because then, it will be too late.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I don’t really know where to start. So, let me just say this first…

What a fucking trip.

We got a good deal on Nok Air, so I agreed with two of my colleagues (all girls) to go to Hanoi for 3 days.

We had booked a hotel (40 USD) and airport pickup service (12 USD) well in advance. When we landed at Noi Bai airport as scheduled, there was no one to pick us up. Strange town, strange people, strange language! After a while we decided to grab a taxi to the hotel ourselves.

The taxi we got from the airport agreed on 12 USD flat rate from the airport to the hotel. I had my guard up, having read so many stories about scams in Hanoi. When the taxi passed a toll-booth looking thingy, we saw his company (yes, he had a company!) paid something like 10,000 VND to someone before reaching the booth. But didn’t pay anything at the booth.

He asked us how much we were paying the hotel, and one of us told him we hadn’t paid yet. And he asked again how much, so I lied and told him 29 USD. He exclaimed “Expensive!” and started going on about 10 USD hotels, etc etc. None of his business really if we wanted safety and comfort.

And he finally parked in front of the hotel (I think it was), and before we could get out, a guy opened the taxi and said “You’ve booked a room right? Sorry, the hotel is full now. But I will tell the taxi driver to take to another hotel of us with the same quality and same price. It’s not too far. It’s also in town.”

I wasn’t too sure, but this hotel does have another branch.

And off we went.

The taxi driver dropped us at some sort of hotel (it’s actually a travel agent with rooms upstairs). When I gave him 12 USD, he started making a scene and showed me a A4 size paper - all in Vietnamese language with “300,000 VND” on it. He demanded we paid this 300,000 VND also (approx 18.75 USD) as it was “government fee”, referring to the toll-booth looking thingy.

Government fee my arse.

I asked him how come the toll booth fee was higher than the actual taxi fare. He didn’t answer, but started making a scene again that we had to pay. Then, we told him we would look at the room first and would come back to deal with him shortly.

The room was ok. And the hotel receptionist said “So that hotel charged you 29 USD right? We’ll charge the same rate.”

So, how come you knew they were charging us 29 USD then? And it wasn’t even the right amount!

We negotiated the price down, and done at 25 USD, including breakfast. And they confirmed they opened 24/7, e.g. not going to lock us out if we came back late.

And we went down to the taxi driver again. We decided to pay to end this hoo-ha as it’s a bloody waste of time. We gave him 300,000 VND with the “take it or leave it” remark. He took it while still complaining and drove off. I suspect the 300,000 VND thingy was in fact the car tax for the whole year. So, if you are sure you are safe from them, tell your taxi driver to fuck off.

We got changed and came down stairs to ask about one day tour to Halong Bay that we wanted to go the next day. The same receptionist quoted us 25 USD for ordinary tour and lunch. We negotiated down to 23 USD and couldn’t be bothered to negotiate further.

It was a join tour (16 pax) and it shouldn’t cost you more than 20 USD. So, again, if you are sure you are safe from them, tell them to fuck off. Or go to another travel agent. Someone will definitely start from 20 USD and you can probably get it at 16 - 18 USD.

After paying yet another overpriced tour, we went out to explore the city. Only took us 3 and half hours to get all this shit done.

Hanoi was very noisy. There were many many motorbikes. And everyone seemed to be going at the car/bike horn all the time. Madness.

We walked around for a bit (with a Thai older man we met at the hotel) and we got rid of him when we got annoyed. He was quite strange.

Anyway… so while we were making our way back to the hotel, we spotted a pub we had walked past earlier (and there were a few cute men hanging out there) so we went in for a cold one. It’s called Le Pub.

My cold one cost 16,000 VND (or 1 USD). Pho cost 20,000 VND here (7,000 VND on the street, but it wasn’t very comfortable to sit).

When we walked into the hotel, we saw the taxi driver there chatting away with the hotel boys.

Cheeky bastard.

So, they were in it all together.

Anyway… we got some rest as it was quite cold for us, it was a long day, and we had to get up early for the Halong Bay trip.

We went down the next morning around 7.30 AM for breakfast. Some dodgy french bread, butter and jam, and coffee or tea.

While waiting for the van to pick us up, we took a look around the area.

And the van finally turned up. So, we started our (approx) 3 hours journey to Halong harbour.

The van stopped for 20 minutes at a place where you could buy (overpriced) souvenir.

And not too long, we arrived at Halong harbour. At long fucking last.

There were hundreds of boats here, heading to Halong Bay daily. Here, your tour guide will give you a ticket which you have to keep on you. They will check this ticket again at the cave. The ticket is included in the tour price.

It was quite an adventurous walking through another boat, and hopping on the next one, trying not to fall off. Take your rucksack if you have stuff with you. Even if it was just a bloody book. Oh, and DO take your own drinks. It was expensive on the boat.

When everyone was ready, our driver started engine, bumping and pushing other boats to get out. And we were on the way to Halong Bay.

….. and no sign of lunch yet. Everyone was starving. We were wondering why they were not serving lunch yet. After 45 minutes into the journey, we knew why.

They stopped here, trying to sell you some fresh seafood. Errm.. very fresh.

These buggers cost 200,000 VND per kilo. That’s 12.5 USD. They were funny looking. And a few of them were so big they would take up the whole table after they were cooked.

No, thanks.

After a long while, the boat started moving again. And not long, lunch was served!! Yippee!!

There were also two dishes (fish and.. I forgot) after this, but we were too hungry to wait. So, no pics of them.

Stomach was full and we were happy again so we started enjoying the scenery in Halong Bay.

Kind of. I think the southern of Thailand is more beautiful.

Next stop was a cave. They did it nicely for tourists.

Let’s take a look inside.

Your tour guide will tell you all the stories about it. Their accent might be a bit difficult to understand, though.

After the cave, the boat made her way to Cat Ba island to drop people who were staying the night in Halong Bay off. The rest went back with the boat to Halong harbour and took a van back to Hanoi. We arrived back in Hanoi around 8.30PM.

Knackered.

But we continued our journey and went to the night market.

It’s located on Hang Dao street, and go all the way from Hoan Kiem Lake to Dong Xuan Market. Lots of cheap stuff you can get as souvenir and this is the best place to buy. But you have to be a bit patient, as the Vietnamese like to push their way. They probably don’t even realise they do it. I mean.. all of them. We got pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. Until we had enough, and decided to go back get some rest.

The last day, we got our tickets for the Water Puppet at 2:45 PM. They do have an extra round on Sundays at 9.30 AM.

As it was our last day, we decided to go for a proper breakfast elsewhere. And here it is…

This one cost 25,000 VND, and the tea cost 10,000 VND. That’s about 2.19 USD in total.

After breakfast was shopping time. Around Hoan Kiem Lake, there were thousands of shops. Very good prices for shoes, boots, and bags. I was more interested in the Huc Bridge over Hoan Kiem Lake.

Then, we went back to hotel to check out. And got on cyclos for an hour tour. They asked for 5 USD per hour. But we got the price down to 3 USD. You can try for 2 USD as many people got it at that price.

Shophouses in Hanoi

When an hour was up, we got something to eat, and headed to the Water Puppet Theatre. The tickets are 20,000 and 40,000 VND. Though they write they charge 15,000 VND for photographs during show, and 75,000 VND for video, no one bothers to pay or to ask someone to pay.

The show takes about 50 minutes, I think.

After the Water Puppet, we walked around a little bit more and got back to hotel. We got a taxi to the airport via the hotel we stayed at 14 USD. And we made the guy promise us there would be no fucking extra fees this time. He did. So, although the fee was a little higher than it was supposed to be, we were okay with it.

Lots of people flying out. Most of them were Thai. And we had a pleasant journey home.

Oh how I missed civilisation.

More pics from this trip are here.

Thais mourn revered king’s sister

Sorry, I forgot.

Merry Belated Christmas!!!

We now have a big election coming up. It’s tomorrow.

People who couldn’t go to the province they were registered in, and preferred to vote where they actually lived now, already registered and voted last weekend. Which resulted in alcohol ban from last Friday at 6pm.

The real thing is tomorrow. Therefore, the country is (supposedly) dry again. Started 6pm today.

Basically, when we have some election, the area will be dry from 6pm of the day before election until midnight of the election day(s).

Rose and I had a couple of drinks last night, after the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks.  Which is a good enough movie to pass a couple of hours. Anyway, so I had a bottle of Asahi and Rose wouldn’t make up her mind what she wanted to drink.

Here came Lee Shamrock to save our night. He ordered each of us a pint of Hoegaarden (latest member of the family at the Dubliner Bangkok). Not bad, really. But Rose didn’t feel like drinking. So, she swapped our pints (when I had 1/5 of it left, and she had half left) when I went to the bog. And she poured that 1/5 pint into the half one later on.

And I didn’t feel like drinking too!!!!

It was a 3 day weekend here (again), and my friend, Stephan, invited me to go up to Mukdahan with him. His family live there. So does our mutual friend, Patrick. So, off we went.

We left Bangkok on Saturday early morning, and arrived in Mukdahan 7 hours later. Stephan’s driver used to be in F1, I believe.

It was very nice to see Ta and Alex (Stephan’s wife and son) again also. It’s been a long time. The first night, they took me out to dinner by the Mekong River. Nice food. And a bit windy also. After dinner, we went to Boss bar where we started to wonder if it was a gay bar.

We seemed to be there a bit too early, as it was literally empty when we got there. After a few drinks, we moved on to Grand Hotel Karaoke. We were the third table in there.

And before we all fell asleep, we moved on to Grand Hotel Disco. Now, this place was supposed to be full of actions and shows and people, according to Patrick. It was almost empty again when we got there. Not sure what was happening. Or NOT happening as the case may be.

It was a Saturday night, and they got no shows whatsoever on stage. It’s about two hours later that a band started playing.

All teenage boys, with a singer who couldn’t bloody sing.

Noise pollution it was. And we headed home just in time before we all lost our hearings as the music was so unbelievably loud.

The temperature was about 19C at 1:30am. You would think it would not be too hot in the day.

Well, it was about 32C the next afternoon.

Patrick took me down to the Mekong river. Across the river, that’s Laos.

Along the river on Thailand side, there are many shops and stuff - called Indochina Market.

(Yes, some of the locals wear a jacket during the day where it is 32C.)

This one reminded me of Tom. Want some more garlic? Hehehe.

Next stop was Mukdahan Tower (the locals call it Hor Keaw).

Admission fee was 20 THB, which is the same price for a Thai and a foreigner. No dual pricing policy here. You can walk 360degree up there to enjoy the view. In the ball on top of the observation deck, there were some Buddha statues.

After this, Patrick took me to a temple on a hill. I can’t remember the name of the temple.

This’s where the monks live.

Here’s where they keep drinking water.

We then came back home for a little rest. Then, drove down to the Indochina Market again, this time with Stephan, Ta and Alex.

Cute little boy he is. While he was running around, he actually fell and landed on his forehead before bouncing back. He didn’t cry. I mean… he didn’t even make any noise out of it. And not too long, he started running around exploring shops again. Adorable!

We didn’t do anything much this evening, just dinner and karaoke, as we planned to get up early the next morning.

We did wake up early. Ish.

Before it started getting too hot, we made our way a bit out of the city centre to Ta’s village. She lived there for about six years, and her mother moved to the city centre.

From the looks of things, it must be freezing at night out here.

In front of many houses, they have this thing in front.

Apparently, there is a Widow Ghost around. So, they put this in front of the house to fool the ghost so she leaves the real men inside the house alone.

We spent some more time down the Mekong river, discussing how illegal immigrants come into Thailand.

Then, back to the compound where I started packing. And found a mobile vendor. I mean, literally mobile.

After some rest, Stephan and Patrick took me to the Night Market for a bite to eat before my journey back home.

Quite lively for a tiny town.

I took a photo of one certain street vendor..

When the flash went off, the guy in the photo jumped probably thinking he was struck by lightening or something, which made all his “colleagues” laughed.

I took a VIP bus (24 seats) back to Bangkok, leaving Mukdahan at 8:10pm and arriving Bangkok at 4:45am.

It was a wonderful weekend. Lovely to see everyone again. And Alex is definitely adorable! A big Thank You to Stephan, Ta and Patrick. You all are great.
A few more pics from this trip can be found here.